Some MATCH Members, trying to remain in their child’s life at all costs, have faced accusations, even from judges, of “not acting in your child’s best interests”. Many Members, after much lengthy consideration and advice, decide to give up fighting the long, difficult, day-to-day battle to keep some form of contact going, however small, with their child. It may take one year or several years to come to this decision, and is not one taken lightly.

Giving up the battle has been viewed by some children and ex-partners as “giving up on the children”. Others may see the decision as defeatist. We believe that for a parent to give up the battle for children to remain in both their parent’s lives, is a Judgement of Solomon sacrifice. Having been removed from his parents’ legal and highly charged emotional battlefield, the child then has the freedom to get on with the difficult business of growing up. Children, after all, just want to be ‘normal’, like their friends.

Everyone likes “Good News Stories” or “Happy Endings”. Indeed, many women’s magazines thrive and depend on such positive, life-enhancing material. In MATCH we’re no different. You’ll be pleased to know that there are a few good news stories and happy endings - and we must stress the word ‘few’ - for some MATCH Members. Apart from our Children’s Birthdays page, reading about good news and happy endings is one of the best bits of the Newsletter. However, for the majority of us, some ‘good news’ is measured differently.

Many MATCH Members, having endured a form of on-going bereavement when they lost contact with their children, are very familiar with the traditional points in the Bereavement Cycle, taking longer than they would have liked to move from one point to another before they begin to ‘feel better’ about themselves and their situation.

Reaching that difficult stage of Acceptance on the upward journey, i.e. accepting that some situations cannot be changed, accepting that children have made a decision (arguably influenced by negative forces) that one has to live with for a long time, accepting that one has to move on and just get on with Life, Members view as their particular form of “Good News”. Many times this point cannot be reached without the help of professional therapists and counsellors. We always strongly advise new Members to seek their help with the utmost urgency, using their doctor as a first point of call.

We believe that reaching Acceptance is very good news for one’s emotional health as well as long-term well-being, and hope that membership of MATCH makes a very small contribution to help mothers apart reach this vital point.

Reunions

If you’ve been a Child Apart and are now reunited, and would like to share your story with us (names/places/dates will be omitted) let us know the circumstances: childapart@matchmothers.org

If you’ve been a Parent Apart and are now reunited, please let us know too: parentapart@matchmothers.org

MATCH Annual Awards

At the MATCH AGM each June we will be giving an Annual Award to any individual or any organisation working within the field of law, mediation or family support who has made a sustained and positive contribution to the better protection of children involved in family breakdown or fostering or adoption situations.

Such individuals or organisations will be working to ensure children’s relationships continue with all those who care for them, particularly those who want to continue to contribute positively to children’s well-being for life.

The public may nominate individuals, organisations, politicians or government agencies working in the fields mentioned above e.g. support agencies, charities, statutory organisations, solicitors, barristers, CAFCASS officers [and the organisation that supersedes CAFCASS].

Such individuals or organisations working in the field of high-conflict family breakdown, and particularly in situations where the main parties concerned have failed to agree on equal parenting or contact arrangements and have applied to the courts for judgement, will be acutely aware of the possibilities that children may be manipulated by one or both parties to the proceedings.

Such individuals or organisations will be working to ensure strenuous efforts are made to protect children from the malignant effects of alienation or manipulation or emotional abuse.

Such individuals or organisations will be doing everything possible, with the aid of parenting classes or mediation or education to ensure that children’s well-being remains central to all the proceedings, no matter how long they continue to encourage greater understanding of the long-term dangers.

Such individuals or organisations may offer new insights into the long-term effects of children affected by emotional abuse which may be useful for professionals working with such children who may be able to use such information to better protect them.